Have you ever done something that you later wish you could just turn back the hands of time, if only briefly, to take back what you did or said?
- Maybe it was a decision you made that turned out to cause huge problems for you and/or others in your organization.
- It might have been data you compiled was incorrect and the error created a huge backlash when it was presented to an important client.
- Perhaps it was a comment you made during a meeting that ended up embarrassing or upsetting someone else.
While you are committed to taking responsibility for the problem and repairing as much of the damage as you can, these situations have profound effects on your feelings of competence and worth. Perhaps your stomach can’t stop churning. Or maybe you replay the situation over and over again in your mind. You might even lose sleep over it. Your confidence is shaken. Your feeling of self-worth is damaged. What can you do?
Replace Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion
Feeling bad about mistakes has its place. It can propel us to repair the damage we’ve caused. It can motivate us to improve our ability to avoid them in the future. However, when feeling bad turns into self-criticism, we are doing damage to ourselves in non-productive ways. According to Kristin Neff, Ph.D., associate professor in human development at the University of Texas at Austin, studies have shown self-criticism can lead to lowered self-esteem, anxiety and depression.*
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How do you start to quiet that voice of self-criticism?
It begins with showing ourselves a little kindness and compassion. Envision how you would treat a dear friend (or a sweet child) who has just experienced what you have just gone through. What would you as a kind friend or loving parent say and feel? Chances are you would not criticize them or make them feel worse. You would help them put things into proper perspective. You would be kind. As one of my clients expressed it, you would extend the same grace to yourself that you generously extend others. I call it being your own best friend, or being your own loving parent.
The most important words we’ll ever utter are those we say to ourselves, about ourselves, when we’re by ourselves. ~ Al Walker, author
Reframe the experience that supports you towards a positive way forward. Self-flagellation is not helpful, in fact, it is destructive.
Give yourself time. This takes practice. Once it becomes part of your internal dialogue you will become more mentally resilient. You will be able to avoid staying stuck in the past. You will be able to show up more powerfully for yourself. And when you do that, you can show up more positively for those around you and are able to work more effectively.
Personal Leadership Branding is not just managing what others think about us and our effectiveness as leaders. It is also what we think of ourselves. What we think of ourselves is foundational to how we behave and thrive, which empowers our Personal Leadership Brand.
Please share your thoughts and experiences with me on this topic or any other topic related to Personal Leadership Branding.
* https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-strategies-for-self-compassion/
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